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January 29, 2009 by cheloyskee
January 29, 2009, Thursday
“He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; He has shrouded my paths in darkness He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He tears me down on every side till I am gone. He uproots my hope like a tree…”
Job 19:8-10
this is exactly the state of my being since November 11.. it was just as if everything is not going right. and my insides are bein pierced with small needles, millions in number.
and in every instance that it happens, I beg….really beg.. I beg God for mercy.
my head is vacillating between resenting what God is doing, or trusting Him.. but of course, I can’t deny the Truth that He loves me, no matter what He brings my way—good nor bad.
in the end, I’m left with nothing… nothing to hold on to. friendships will go. perfect job may be reduce to a dread, things that you are holding and hoping for are slowly slipping away like sands between my fingers..
indeed there’s nothing but me, laid flat, hoping God will rescue me from all these.
but one thing I noticed is that in all these Drudgery, i found myself praising God… putting my mp3 in my ears during the day and at night, has been my refuge. I found myself wanting to commune with the One who understands me, the only Being who has seen the real me, and was not afraid of what He saw. The only Being, who called Himself The Redeemer has embraced me as Me. no requirements, no conditions, no ‘Operation Cheloy Make –Over’. because to Him I am just fine. =)
the only requirement he asked is to Trust Him.
“..though He slay me, yet willhope in him..”
job 13:15
10pm, surabaya, indonesia
ok ppl. this picture does not have anything to do with my blog above.. he he. or maybe this is me letting ppl see the cheloy beneath all her protective covering , smiling simply ME-- what God meant for me to be. =)
