gone 33…’delighting in despair’
May 26, 2008 by cheloyskee
last may15 i turned 33. grabe. time flies past very fast. too fast. as in. =/
one hi-schooler (FNL) girl from church sms me that day and told me that i’m the most ADULT adult she has ever met. as i think about it, i know that deep inside, part of me resides a little girl, stuck somewhere in deepest part of my being– in short, I AM STILL SELFISH. haha (just choose the right words and make it poetic, then i can easily get away with being SELFISH and SELF CENTERED. hehe)
however we may put the words around the word SELF, it is still SELFISHNESS. When i know my rights and my actions demand that my rights be RESPECTED and MET then it’s being selfish…and most of the time this same ’selfishness’ hurt the people around us… mostly the people we care about. And THAT brings my soul to despair.
Oswald Chambers wrote on his devotional My Utmost for His Highest (may 24) that there are 2 kinds of despair (1) despair which has no delight… no hope or anything brighter.
But there is this what he called the DELIGHT OF DESPAIR. A despair that springs from the knowledge that "…nothing in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells.." Romans 7:18…and this is the kind that brings you down on your knees and fall prostrate to a Holy God.
knowing that something in me, my own flesh, still finds its way up and resurface again and again, i can (if i choose to) fall into the first kind of ‘despair’.
But the presence of a good God reminds me that my flesh is not what is TRUE about me. What is True about me is that I am His child that He has given me a new heart and a new spirit, a new creation in Christ Jesus.
So, as i think about my whole life ahead me, i know that i am a working progress, God’s working progress…but i delight in despair coz the badness in me ushers me into falling infront of a Holy God, and in His hand He shall raise me up to His love.
I know that God in his graciousness shall make things right in me and around me. all i have to do is TRUST and have Faith that my ‘Despairs’ are the ones that have HOPE. and with that, i pray that i may be able to LOVE others and God the way that would bring glory to His name.
happy birthday to me!!
12:12 pm
May 24, 2008 (saturday)
