rAMBLINGS of A pASSION8 hEART

25 rfam. yes, 25 Random FActs About Me

this spam has been travelling the web as fast as it possibly could. from my country to indonesia i’ve been recieving tagged that deemed me as a curious reader on what is this all about. i thought in the beginning one of my friend from philippine is just bored to death. ha ha

so if you are tagged in this note, try to atleast do your own rtam.
anyways…

nomor 1. i am number 1 among 3 siblings. but during college days i stopped feeling ELDEST. maybe im starting to be in denial. he he (unless one of the sisters are naughty  and need some spankin. and that’s when i speak my mind. )

2. i like being called ‘ate’. then evolved to ‘grandma’…then shift to ‘ancient’.. i don’t know how some of it started, the latter though was my fault. he he. but ppl around me just started calling me those terms.. but the weird thing about it is that it felt endearing. =D

3.i find numbers very very interesting. not that i’m good at them. some of them reminds me of a lot of things like:

23- i shall not want anything except JC!
57- God as my healer; healing!
 43-When the Lord acts, NO ONE can reverse

it! a lot of it from the verses i read.. maybe it started when i can’t remember from which book i read it. ha ha

4. i like looking at plate numbers. i often even see 2 cars in the road at the same time with the same numbers except for the letters at the end. cool huh?
5. my brain is a sponge when it comes to music. my friends can attest to the fact that i can repeat even a ringing tone. call it LAST SONG SYNDROME (Lss), Chronic case. (know any doctors for this???)

6. i don’t like the song THE PRAYER by Charlotte Church. Sorry, it does not sound prayerful to me. AND ITS THE ONLY  SONG THAT I’VE LISTENED A ZILLION TIMES BUT ITS MELODY NEVER, AS in NEVER, REGISTERED IN ME! (ha! atleast my LSS is not that bad huh? )

7. i like reading anything about marriage. (my way of encouraging myself that being in one is not bad at all. hehe)

8. my code name for myself when i was young is MUCH AFRAID. based on a book character i read..i grew up being scared…of being abandoned. i don’t know when that started. but God took that nick name away and gave me a new one- HEPHZIBAH, God’s endearing name for Israel, meaning He Delights in her. (apparently, Hephzibah was a queen married to an Israelite King =)

9.i would like to be married to a missionary. =)

10. i love blogging. even when no one might read it.

11. i’ve never been hospitalized. i thank God for that.

12. i didn’t know that i was allergic to  A LOT OF THINGS! until just last year.. Egg white, chicken, certain types of fish, squids, chocolates, alcohol, big time on dusts, squids, and animal fur =( … out of 17 allergen, i got 10. i’m apparently allergic to life. grabe.
13. i’m thin. but i have cholesterol problem. good lak.

14. i read science books when i’m depressed. not that i’m smart or anything..it just reminds me that there is a HIGHER BEING who made all these AMAZING THINGS around us.. making it even WORK! =)

15. i’m bad at statistics when i was in high school and college..  but ended up taking it for grad studies. he he. torture??? not anymore. i just realize that it can be used in different field of research. more job opportunities. he he.

16. i once made a statement that i don’t want to be a full-time worker for any ministry….  a year later, and years after that, i cry every New Year’s eve celebration, over family gathering, trying to ask my Dad’s permission for me to go full-time in the ministry in my campus. ha ha. we must be very careful of our statements ya?

17. i was afraid to be in-front of children. was! but now, they are afraid of me. he he
18.I like any kind of heavenly bodies, i mean celestial bodies like stars, planets, etc..
(coz i think one of myfriends asked me in a horrified tone, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HEAVENLY BODIES??! WHO’S BODY??) ha ha. because of my interest for them, i found out that my friend’s name is a satellites’ name and so is HER MOTHER, and GET THIS, of the SAME PLANET EVEN. how cool is that. he he.

19. i love having my own room. and i like staying in it. i can be in it and not be bored. =) (just don’t take my pc and books away. and i’ll be fine. hihi)
 (i just hope my future husband will be nice enough to give me a ‘cheloy’s room’
 for solitude. =) promise, i will give him his too!
20. my mom has a pretty good connection with me. i mean, uncanny connection. i would be sick here in indonesia, and she can sense it. i was one time doin my quite time, and have imagined that i was on God’s big palm, safe. then a few seconds after that mom sent me an sms with an image of God’s hand, with a message of..of what else– YOU ARE SAFE IN GOD’S HAND. uncanny right??? hihi

21. i thought i was afraid of snorkeling. but apparently, it’s one of the easiest way of swimmming! air for breathing is not a problem, goggles made seeing possible in salty waters! and the amazing flippers!! (mine is child’s size though… :/

22. 3 of the chinese teachers in IPH has called me “Mom”… in different occasions, coming from different school years, and different branches. How weird is that??? (i think i have it in me huh?? ke-ibuhan?? )

23. i once had a dream that Ewan Mc Gregor is my fiance. in my dream, he was late for our engagement dinner, coz he had to be in a military assignment. he is in navy. odiva. ha ha. dream on… that same day, a friend of mine back in the philippines send me an sms telling me that she had a dream of me having an engagement party. yehey! a confirmation!! 

24. i believed that all grumpy single women becomes tamed once they marry and have children. Alanis is one. he he. listen to her songs now! and listen to JAGGED LITTLE PILL! you’ll see the difference. She even has one song titled THAT I WOULD BE GOOD. odiva.

 
25. almost all of those who took this rtam said that they were pressured.. and i think i am one of them.  peer pressure. he he. (o, marie.. eto na! =))

January 29, 2009, Thursday

“He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; He has shrouded my paths in darkness He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He tears me down on every side till I am gone. He uproots my hope like a tree…”

Job 19:8-10

this is exactly the state of my being since November 11.. it was just as if everything is not going right. and my insides are bein pierced with small needles, millions in number.

and in every instance that it happens, I beg….really beg.. I beg God for mercy.

my head is vacillating between resenting what God is doing, or trusting Him.. but of course, I can’t deny the Truth that He loves me, no matter what He brings my way—good nor bad.

in the end, I’m left with nothing… nothing to hold on to. friendships will go. perfect job may be reduce to a dread, things that you are holding and hoping for are slowly slipping away like sands between my fingers..

indeed there’s nothing but me, laid flat, hoping God will rescue me from all these.

but one thing I noticed is that in all these Drudgery, i found myself praising God… putting my mp3 in my ears during the day and at night, has been my refuge. I found myself wanting to commune with the One who understands me, the only Being who has seen the real me, and was not afraid of what He saw. The only Being, who called Himself The Redeemer has embraced me as Me. no requirements, no conditions, no ‘Operation Cheloy Make –Over’. because to Him I am just fine. =)

the only requirement he asked is to Trust Him.

“..though He slay me, yet willhope in him..”

job 13:15

10pm, surabaya, indonesia

ok ppl. this picture does not have anything to do with my blog above.. he he. or maybe this is me letting ppl see the cheloy beneath all her protective covering , smiling simply ME-- what God meant for me to be. =)

“That night the angel of the Lord went out and put to death 185,000 men in the Assyrian camp. ”
2 kings 19: 35-36

this is my bible reading this morning. i have not gone violent or anything, no. but i must admit it did refreshed by otherwise dry spirit. let me elaborate. =)

it reminded me that the same God they had in Judah at the time of Hezekiah’s reign, is the same God i have now. and this God provides all the help his ppl needed, especially in times of peril.

if you are in need, you will be helped. if you are lacking you will be provided for.

Judah was in need at that time. king of Assyria had threatened them. they lack
manpower, and look who God provided for them– an ANGEL!!! (that killed a lot of the enemies) (angel of death??)

“…When the poeple go up the next morning there were all the dead bodies.

…so imagine the horror the Assyrian men had when they saw corpses around them! he he

“…So Sennacherib king of Assyria broke camp and withdrew. He returned to Nineveh and stayed there.” (verse 36)

….and Israel is safe ONCE MORE.

i am safe once more….

Lyrics | Hillsong lyrics - The Desert Song lyrics

Isaiah 60

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

See darkness voers the earth

and thick darkness is over the peoples

but the Lord rises upon you

and his glory appears over you

nations will come to your light

and kings to the brightness of your dawn

lift up your eyes and look about you

your sons come from afar

and your daughters are carried on the arm

then you will look and be radiant

your heart will throb and swell with joy

the wealth on the seas will be brought to you

to you the riches of the nations will come

3:43pm

=)

“And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain..”

Mercy Me has penned one of the songs that speaks so much of what my insides are crying out about…desperate of God.

..but amidst all these, I know that I can’t run away from a God who offers so much of Himself, the only ‘shelter on the storm’…

“holy holy… is the lord god almighty…”

~Mercy me…

Praises to the God who is present yesterday, today and tomorrow..

=)

“All of Me” is playin in my pc.. one of the songs from the album “The Covenant”. Songs that have captured my heart in the past. remembering my small walks in my university during sunsets.

now, as I listen to the lyrics once more, I am more than reminiscing.. like the theme of the album, I am likened to Israel who has brought far, and longed for it’s home for 70 years…

Red was the sky

In the flame burned a light

Calling me

To Your side and required

All of me

I am brought far… and God, I believe, longed so much of my heart that he has to take me away.. away from my usual distractions.

I heard him more after that.. but my heart is wayward in its nature that it required ‘deserts’ and ‘wilderness’. it’s God’s way of sitting me on a chair, hold my face with both hands, and telling me, ‘cheloy, this is me. I am here. I need all of you.’

Blue like the sea

Tears have flowed

So deep through me

Sweet release

Precious peace - You have seen

All of me

He has truly seen all of me… and still required all of it. wanted all of me..and this one I cannot fully comprehend..

10:10am

jeremiah 31:2

“The people who survived the sword will find favor in the desert; I will come to give rest to Israel.”

(God’s message of hope to Israel through the prophet Jeremiah after they were brought captive by the King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon..)

10:43 M

“All of Me” is playin in my pc.. one of the songs from the album “The Covenant”. Songs that have captured my heart in the past. remembering my small walks in my university during sunsets.

now, as I listen to the lyrics once more, I am more than reminiscing.. like the theme of the album, I am likened to Israel who has brought far, and longed for it’s home for 70 years…

Red was the sky

In the flame burned a light

Calling me

To Your side and required

All of me

I am brought far… and God, I believe, longed so much of my heart that he has to take me away.. away from my usual distractions.

I heard him more after that.. but my heart is wayward in its nature that it required ‘deserts’ and ‘wilderness’. it’s God’s way of sitting me on a chair, hold my face with both hands, and telling me, ‘cheloy, this is me. I am here. I need all of you.’

Blue like the sea

Tears have flowed

So deep through me

Sweet release

Precious peace - You have seen

All of me

He has truly seen all of me… and still required all of it. wanted all of me..and this one I cannot fully comprehend..

10:10am

jeremiah 31:2

“The people who survived the sword will find favor in the desert; I will come to give rest to Israel.”

(God’s message of hope to Israel through the prophet Jeremiah after they were brought captive by the King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon..)

10:43 M

“All of Me” is playin in my pc.. one of the songs from the album “The Covenant”. Songs that have captured my heart in the past. remembering my small walks in my university during sunsets.

now, as I listen to the lyrics once more, I am more than reminiscing.. like the theme of the album, I am likened to Israel who has brought far, and longed for it’s home for 70 years…

Red was the sky

In the flame burned a light

Calling me

To Your side and required

All of me

I am brought far… and God, I believe, longed so much of my heart that he has to take me away.. away from my usual distractions.

I heard him more after that.. but my heart is wayward in its nature that it required ‘deserts’ and ‘wilderness’. it’s God’s way of sitting me on a chair, hold my face with both hands, and telling me, ‘cheloy, this is me. I am here. I need all of you.’

Blue like the sea

Tears have flowed

So deep through me

Sweet release

Precious peace - You have seen

All of me

He has truly seen all of me… and still required all of it. wanted all of me..and this one I cannot fully comprehend..

10:10am

jeremiah 31:2

“The people who survived the sword will find favor in the desert; I will come to give rest to Israel.”

(God’s message of hope to Israel through the prophet Jeremiah after they were brought captive by the King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon..)

10:43 M

happy new year! lets start the year with an entry.

..starting with something that has fascinated me for a long time.

I don’t know what is it aboutthe Exile of Israel and Judah…

but it has caught my interest for quite a while already. I even have a soundtrack for it. he he.i think my fascination for it started when I first listened to the soundtrack way back in college (in the ancient times. he he).

It’s musical scores were very distinct.. chord progressions in its melody hinted of a lot of things—a longing and hope.

a longing. The songs were filled with melodies that begins with a sound of longing, and lyrics that described their longing for their lost home..

and mostly a longing for salvation. The people of Israel and Judah, when they were exiled, weren’t treated like princes or princesses! Some, like Daniel and his friends, Queen Esther and Mordecai, and Nehemiah, were included as part of the royal team. but the rest of them were just ‘exiles’.. 2^nd class citizens of the country God lead them in exile to (Assyria and Babylonia).

and hope. the songs, mostly end with hope in it—that someday, they would see their homeland once more. and that the Holy God of Israel had not forgotten them, that their cries would be heard… sooner or later..

psalms 121(A Song of Ascent)

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

(one of the composers of the songs included this psalm of Ascent, which according to belief were sung during the time when the exiles were traveling back to Jerusalem at the edict of the good king of Persia, Cyrus..and was sang every year after that as part of a Jewish Festival)

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice…”

…read these phrase several times last night as I do my quiet time. and as if it jumps out of the page and lingered in my head for the rest of the night..until I fell asleep.

so by morning, I studied more about it.

apparently, it was mentioned in the bible thrice—once, in the Old Testament by Hosea (6:6), and twice, in the New Testament by Jesus (Matt. 9:13, Matt. 12:7)…

and in both accounts in the New Testament, Jesus was rebuking the Pharisees…

and in both accounts, Jesus is citing Hosea to disprove them of their legalism.

(12:12 pm)

apparently, the Pharisees have failed to recognize that there is a Higher Order other than the laws and traditions that they religiously follow… and it offended them (big time!) how Jesus chose to break some of the traditions to heal the sick or feed people.

in Man’s Economy, you can’t blame the Pharisees for being upset.

• They have devoted all their life to follow these laws.
• They may have sleepless nights over some rituals.
• They may have sacrificed a lot of their time and energy for these traditions.
• They gave their all.

..and here comes The Christ, showing the rest of Judea that it’s ok to break them.

imagine the frustrations that these Pharisees felt.

I guess a lot of us, at times, felt that way in serving God.

• We devote our life to church activities.
• We had sleepless nights over them.
• We have sacrificed a lot of our time and energy for them.
• We gave our all.

…and it frustrates us when others can’t match the same commitment and faithfulness we give the ministry.

…then we are far from giving mercy.

One fRiend of mine said, “If one of our members in this group has been absent for quite some time, then something must not be right. The person might be struggling with something in other areas of his/her life. Take time to ask them if they are ok..”

..as I remember those words, I am now given an exact example of the mercy Jesus is hoping we could offer The Church.

Because Jesus did say…

“For I have NOT come to call the righteous but the SINNERS….” Matt. 9:13

Sacrifices for the Lord is not bad in itself… but let us not forget to show mercy on those who have failed to reach the standards that us, ourselves, have set to meet.

Jesus is more interested on what goes on in our hearts, rather than what our hands can do.

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” I Samuel 15:22

“jesus said… ‘don’t throw your pearls to

pigs’…by this we don’t think He was calling some

people pigs. He was saying, ‘look,– be careful

thAt you do not give SOMETHING PRECIOUS to someone

who, at best, cannot recognize its beAuty, or at

worst, will trample on it.”

~stasi eldredge
in Captivating~

Cyrus the great, the king who established the first persian empire has been mentioned several times in history as the king who believed in equality and human rights.

history also recognizes that this King let the jews go back to their homeland (israel) after being in exiled in babylon for a long time.

it was even written that "He showed great forbearance and respect towards the religious beliefs and cultural traditions of other races."

but what the historians failed to recognized was the amazing fact that this King was mentioned in the bible 300++ years before he was even born!

isaiah (chapter 44 & 45) wrote that the Lord called Cyrus, BY NAME, and was prophesied to be The One who will "..set the exiles free..", go  back to israel, rebuilt their temple, and even funded them for it. =)

so far, nowhere in the bible that somebody was prophesied and names were mentioned before they were even born. if you know any, please don’t hesitate to inform me!! i haven’t done much reading about that yet.. hehe.

anyways, i’m just amazed how God sees our future and prepare the paths before us. 

you’ll never know, YOU may be a ‘cyrus’ to somebody.

**,

This is what the Lord says: "I will go before you, Cyrus, and level the mountains. i will samsh down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. and i will give you treasures hidden in the darkness…i will do this so you may know that i am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you By Name."

Isaiah 45:2-3

a month ago, i got a new cat. and as a new cat owner, i wanted to look for a good name for my cat.

and of course where else will i go but to the famous word-wide-web. hehe.

(i wanted to look from the bible, since its the ulitmate book for answers.. but nah. i feel like i’m desecrating some bible people by doin so..hehe)

and as i was searching the web, i chance upon this cat’s eye nebula. and saw pictures  of it.

compared to the other nebula this one emits gas that are NOT KNOWN or even present on our own planet, which gives the nebula a certain unique gas formation around it.

these gas formation is what made this dying star very very unique and famed to be nicknamed ‘cat’s eye nebula’.

astronomers and scientists have been fascinated with this star for quite some time.

until recently, they have a stronger theory that another star might be affecting and pulling this star, making it’s gas behave differently from the other stars.

apparently, cat’s eye neb is NOT ALONE. good for her. **,

~memoy

psalms 8

"..when i consider the heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, 
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him.."

‘Lord, how majestic 
is Your name above the earth!

standing in the middle of a paper
so big, and crowded, messy and dry
got the scissors and cut my space out from that life.
remove me, and bring me to Your Heart.
i want to hear Your heartbeat against my ear
surrounded by the arms with hands pierced from ages past
for there’s no place i want to be.
i just want to be where it is safe.

psalms 118

".. He is my helper.."

exodus 14:14

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be

still."

each time i watch prince of egypt, it never ceased

to amazed me how the God of Israelites has shown

power by parting the Red Sea. never failed to put

awe in me.. and i thought, would it be cool to witness

that!

but i guess i will be one of the Israelites who

would eventually complain about anything that they can think about

ya? haha. i hope not.

as we think about it, why a miracle so great, an

event so magnificent could be forgotten?? coz in

the old testament, God’s people have failed to use

their memories to remind and encouraged them that

God is on their side and that they will be

provided for.

i guess we, as humans, are good in forgetting but

not in remembering, huh?

today, let’s try to REMEMBER the God of Israel who

showed His power against Egypt! Read exodus. and

Use your imagination. =D

10:10am
Surabaya

Jeremiah
9:23-24

This is
what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast
of his strength or the rich
man boast of his riches,

but let
him who boasts boast about this: that he understands
and knows me, that I am the
LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these
I delight," declares the LORD. (NIV)

If
I ask you who the Lord is in your life, how many facets of God have you
discovered about Him in your lifetime? 

We
go through life learning (wisdom), staying fit and healthy (strength), and
using what we learned and our capabilities to gain wealth (riches). and by the
end of the day, we feel spent…for some they feel a momentarily sense of peace
for being successful. Our days are filled of the many tasks that lead us to a
life that put God on the sidelines. We run our race, but not for the purpose of
winning it for Christ. We run, and go to God when we just feel thirsty and
desperate. 

God
said he delights when we UNDERSTAND and KNOW Him.

How
much of our days are spent just trying to know God?

Lord,
forgive us when we go through life forgetting that our sole purpose why we live
is to glorify and worship you.. forgive us for pursuing KNOWLEDGE, STRENGTH,
and WEALTH, and forgetting that KNOWING You is what delights You.

i realize that i have been wary of the will of the HUMAN BEING. coz i know that as a an agent of FREE WILL,  i may or may NOT DO God’s will. and with that i knew that it means GUDLAK TO THE CONSEQUENCES of MY choices. hehe

plus, humans in their FREE WILL can either hurt or protect people around us.. and knowing that we either love the people, as in the case of being protected.. or worse, resent them, as in the case of being hurt by them.

either way, it does put HUMANS in a certain position knowing that they may hold such power either to MAKE US HAPPY or MAKE US SUFFER. 

good thing, there’s GOD’S WILL..

God KNOWS everything about us– our past, present and future. i mean EVERYTHING.

God knew that Adam will eat the forbidden fruit. God knows that i will be writing this blog now. God knows that certain people will come to our lives and exercise their free will on us– to hurt or to love us. hehe.

and with that KNOWLEDGE, why does God let them happen???? why not prevent them?? i’ve got no less than an answer to that question. it’s all a mystery to me too.

But this one verse i found while i am trying to understand God’s will– ‘God’s will is for us to be sanctified.’ 1Thesalonians 4:3

so whatever it is that’s happening to me or to others, it all boils down to God wanting to sanctify us.. But do we even care about that??? sanctification??? it seems like it is pretty important to God.

Then, i guess we should care. =)

(Soroako Trip, june 2006.. my Free Will has brought me to this trip..and coming home after that brought me to willed myself into surrendering TO WANT what God wants for me at that time…Grabe. This was 2 years ago! amazing..)

8:08am

june 07,2008

i told my friends that i’m done asking God questions. but apparently, not. hehe.

i spent the whole day yesterday, in between naps, work, typing, smsing, calling, having this one teeny-weeny question to God, that dogs me everyday, following me silently. i know that ignoring ‘my question’ was the best thing to do. afterall, God knows everything about me. He knows what He is DOING here. He is in control, right??! right? right.

this past few days, i always ended up reading Job. and this morning, its Job again! not that i’m down in the pits or anything. i’m not at all sad! i’m happy as a bee! (do you hear defensive tone harmonizing here??hehe) really, i am. =) (still trying) but as i was reading the book, God took out that question i have from my heart, hidden somewhere, and showed it to me. it was leashed to me. that’s why it follows me like a dog. haler…. and i go like, ‘oh yeah! that! i was meaning to ask you, Lord. But i don’t want to look Untrusting, or maybe Lacking of Faith. you know?’ God was quiet. i could just imagine Him, shaking His head, rolling His eyes to me.

unlike Job, i couldn’t ask God ‘why?’. but LIKE Job, we both HAVE  questions to ask God. hehe….and in both occasions God went rhetorical.

He asks us back HIS own set of questions. But, like i said, this time it’s rhetorical.

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace

yourself [like a man]; i will question you and you shall answer me.

Where were you when i laid the foundations of the Earth? Tell me if you understand?

what else could i say? me and Job put our hands both to our mouths..

and if Job has an mp3 player, he might have been playing this song in it the whole day long….singing it with all of his heart.

"..Jesus all i have is YOU
You’re the hope i’m holding to
i might weep, but still my faith rest in YOu
as the heavens hold the skies
it’s YOur hand that holds my life
and Your love will lead me on
when all else is gone…"

June 1, 2008
11:01am

(proof of my so-called happiness.. hehe)